Grow up, get together or grow together

I had mixed feelings. Mixed could well be a wrong choice for a word. There was excitement, skepticism, eagerness and ease all in varied proportions. I was meeting my classmates I went to school with after over a decade. 

A lot of memories to recall and relive. A lot of untold stories to share. Many happenings to summarize and update. Rather many versions of happenings related to the degree of closeness. I needed preparation. No, it was not about clothes and not about specifics - it was largely about preparing my mind. 

In a class of 50 plus where you have literally grown up with so many right from the age of three to seventeen, it is quite a journey to be through. Ups with some, downs with others and ups and downs with a special few.

A one-on-one conversation is a cakewalk. It’s when in a group that it’s really complicated. Varied personalities, different levels of humour and political correctness! It is indeed an art to be able to talk in a group and appeal to all types. Thankfully, I was not nervous. Largely because this was a group I grew up with. There is this comfort that they all know your qualities well enough to spend a nice evening together. There is also nervousness that one cannot gauge how much the other has changed or grown up! 

What then is the safety net? To stick with old friends or to venture making new ones?

In school, some are classmates and some are friends. When you’re out of school, all classmates seem friends to many. This theory surprises, amuses and interests me all at once. Why is it that a decade later some think old classmates are better company than some new friends they have made? There is always a risk that some have stayed the same and some have refined and some have taken a U-turn - further messing up the complexity of group dynamics!

I should say I thought for a lot more hours than the hours I was to spend with classmates!

Is it alright to take the liberty with some assuming they are comfortable? Is it acceptable to interpret that you share the same level of closeness mutually given that you haven’t spoken with each other for a decade? Too many questions to ask and multiple answers vastly depending on who you are as a person now and also greatly relying on how much better you fare in comparison to the other friends your classmates have made in this decade! Scary but true, in my honest opinion. 

Unfortunately, I squirm at the thought of being a second choice. I would rather invest time and effort to build on a relationship with classmates for whom I have never been a choice to take it to the next level than jump at them and declare my forced closeness without knowing how far along they are in their journey.

Sans doubt, I am welcome to the idea of changing equations with some. I think the only equations that will change are those that will make things better. Else, I have serious questions on how grown up we are. While there may be no golden rule book for classmates’ reunion behaviour, I still think each one would have a plan of action in place, possibly undisclosed. Whether the plan is acted out by all, I know not. 

At the outer side of 30, we ought to know that each of us might be living in a big bubble. We have reservations on who can cross what limit. While some decisions are predetermined, some are impromptu after spending an initial pleasantly surprising ice-breaker slot of time with classmates we never thought we’d hit it off with. We can’t judge, we can’t comment, we can’t complain. 

A get-together is much like a buffet. You take back with you tastes of dishes you love and new tastes you’d like to remember and wash the rest in a finger bowl.

While I didn't get to try some new dishes, I did see some favourites and I'm glad I didn’t have to use the finger bowl!